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*The Internet told me so!
Product Warnings:
On a blanket from Taiwan:
Not to be used as protection from a tordado.
On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists
Remember. objects in the mirror are actually behind you.
On a Taiwanese shampoo:
Use repeatedly for severe damage
On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink:
After opening, keep upright
On a New Zealand insect spray:
This product not tested on animals.
In a US guide to setting up a new computer:
To avoid condensation forming, allow the boxes to warm up to room temperature before opening (Sensible, but the instruction was Inside the box.)
On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids:
Lie down on bed and insert poscool slowly up to the projected portion like a sword-guard into anal duct. while inserting poscool for approximately 5 minutes, keep quiet.
In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles:
Open other end.
On a packet of Sunmaid raisins:
Why not try tossing over your favourite breakfast cereal?
On a Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! no purchase necessary. Details Inside (The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions - use like regular soap
(And that would be how?)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children.
(Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space?)
On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning - contains nuts
(Really? And that's bad why?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions - open packet, eat nuts
(I'm glad they cleared that up.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)
On a child's superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
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