Sad But True
Signs of a Bad Day
Steps to Wisdom
Fat Cat & Venus
Dog Lawsby Venus
Pull the phone cord out of the back of the computer.
Unroll all the toilet paper off the roll.
Sit in front of the television or monitor as thou art not
Projectile vomit from the top of the refrigerator.
Walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy butt.
Leap from great heights onto thy human's genital region.
Forget that fast as thou art, thou canst not run through closed doors.
Reset thy human's alarm clock by walking on it.
Climb on the garbage can with the hinged lid, as thou
wilt fall in and trap thyself.
Jump onto the toilet seat just as thy human is sitting
Jump onto thy sleeping human's bladder at 4 am.
Preen thyself for hours in bed or thou shalt fly
Trip thy humans even if they are walking too slow.
Remember that thou art a carnivore and that houseplants are
Fart when picked up.
Never forget that thou art not human. Thou art a feline. That
is special enough.